2024 Air, Space & Cyber: United Forces and Families: Shaping the Guardian Experience

The “United Forces and Families: Shaping the Guardian Experience” session at AFA’s Air, Space & Cyber Conference featured Cathy Bentivegna, spouse of the chief master sergeant of the Space Force; Aimee Selix, co-founder of Guardian Spouse Candid Conversations; and Jessica Norsky, key support liaison mentor for Delta 1. The session was moderated by Debbie Schiess, AFA’s United Forces & Families (F2) member, and took place on Sept. 16. Watch the video below:

Panel Moderator: Debbie Schiess, AFA’s United Forces & Families (F2) Member:

Good morning. Welcome. Oh, that was a nice response. That’s great. See, you ladies, you can take a deep breath. Everyone’s friends here. I’m Debbie Schiess, and it is an honor. It is an honor to be with you this morning to moderate our first United Forces and Families Session: Shaping the Guardian Experience. Whether you are joining us in this room or watching from afar, thank you for showing up for our Guardian family. As a member of AFA’s United Forces and Families Task Force, I am so proud of the way this group of military spouse leaders has integrated family readiness, discussions in events like this into our culture. We believe that the consistent focus of improving the quality of life for Airmen, Guardians, and family members is directly linked to mission effectiveness for our Air and Space Forces. Our F2 vision is a culture where strong families continually build stronger forces.

We can all agree that that’s an important thing. This session holds a special place in my heart because I was an Air Force spouse for a couple of decades or a little more, and I bleed blue and could sing the Air Force song in my sleep. So when the Space Force stood up, it felt like a daunting thing. How do we create a whole new service and a whole new military family? The day that the president signed the Space Force into law, we gathered with a bunch of our neighbors around the TV and watched and I baked a cake and put what I thought the Space Force logo might look like. I wasn’t quite on target. It had a little swoosh on it that didn’t end up being there. But the important thing is we sat there with great expectation of what this was going to be like and what our part was going to be in forming this.

And so this session is going to show a little glimpse of how we are doing just that, creating a thriving service that has its own unique experience, and especially for our family members. Our Guardian families are leading the way to take initiative to shape our Space Force, and we’ll highlight some of those experiences today. In addition to this discussion, F2 team is launching a new initiative called Engage. We’ve just launched three editions to further amplify the messages and resources we’ll share with you today. So please stop by the F2 booth, or there’s a QR code on the screen that you can see.

The one taken directly from this session is called Engage: Empowering Guardians and Their families. And it was written by one of our own exceptional Guardian spouses, Nicole Murray, to encourage you to check that out. The women on stage here with me represent the very best of our Space Force. These women are all superstars in their own careers, but they give countless hours to volunteer to support Guardians and their families. This stage represents a total of 87 years of being a military spouse, 42 PCSs, seven deployments or remotes and parenting nine military kids. So we have a lot of collective experience to bring you today. Please join me in welcoming Cathy Bentivegna, Jessica Norsky, and Aimee Selix.

So to begin our discussion today, Cathy, I’m going to start with you. You are a big promoter of the power of connection and that is one of our core values. Many of us in this room have seen your contagious energy in action. Why do you think the Space Force core value of connection is so important?

Cathy Bentivegna, Spouse of the Chief Master Sergeant of the Space Force:

The core value of connection is very important because we are in the military service and being part of the military is this is a family business, right? So we face a lot of challenges out there, but one benefit that we see, that we experience is when you move, when you PCS from base to base, you meet so many different people. You meet people, you connect with them, you build relationships, you build community, you build network, and you get your own support system, right? And that’s very, very important. I have a couple of examples. Our first base back in 1996, I was 10 years old back then, was Maguire Air Force Base.

We were new, we met so many friends, lifelong friends as a matter of fact that we kept up with throughout the years when we moved from different bases. And then as a matter of fact, when my husband had his change of responsibility ceremony last year, which the anniversary was yesterday, some of them actually showed up. And that’s what I’m talking about as far as connecting, creating your own family within the military service. And the other one is when we were stationed in Schriever Air Force Base, that base does not have a commissary. So we all instantly, instant community right away. We hosted an open house. If somebody went to King Soopers, we had a group text say, “Hey, who needs something? Going to King Soopers.”

So anyway, on Fridays, somebody has their fire pit and everybody would just go there, hang out. And then as a matter of fact, Jessica Norsky here and Leslie Gennaro is part of our group over there. And then even Leslie, she has her school bus. She would pick us up at 5:30 in the morning. So we’d all get to work out. Anyway, yeah, I mean anybody has an issue. We supported each other. And that’s what you have to do. You have to just go out there, find your tribe, find your people, okay? Because I’m telling you, if you think about it right now, who are your best friends? Did you meet them on a base outside a base? Where are you PCSed? So that’s why connection is very important and the core value of the Space Force.

Panel Moderator: Debbie Schiess:

You see what I mean by her contagious energy? Jessica, one of our service traditions that epitomizes the culture of connection is the family pinning ceremonies during BMT graduations. Can you share with us more about those ceremonies and why those are so impactful?

Jessica Norsky:

Absolutely. So they say the little things don’t mean anything. They mean everything. And this family pin is certainly a symbol of that. Every eight weeks, the Space Force graduates our newest Guardians and welcomes their loved ones into our Space Force family. As you may be aware, the newest Guardians have a patching ceremony where they receive a patch from a current service member with a note welcoming them into the service. And in the same way we invite their Guardians, loved ones in to do the same. We start by acknowledging the fact that their support has been crucial to get their service member to this point, and that’ll continue to play a role in that.

We then get to share that same patching video, right? Help them make that connection to the mission, to what their service member has been doing, and then we invite them to give a pin to two of their loved ones. And in that same, and this is, it’s a wonderful thing, and as we’re thinking about how we all have this invitation to inspire real change and to create this guarding experience, we look at how we combine service members, spouses, and community partners into working together to do this good, to benefit all of our service. And we know that as the QX model, the thrive team has coined that and brought that forth. And so in that same way, we had an opportunity as we looked at how do we bring families into this?

As Debbie said, their support is crucial and affects all the things including retention. And so as we look at how can we bring them in, we have that perspective that we get to share with our service members and then get to work together. And these pins, these family pins are made sustainable actually from the Air and Space Forces Association, which is really, really incredible. And we’re grateful and it has meant so much not only to our service members, but also their loved ones. And as we think about who those loved ones are, of course spouses, but also parents, whoever their supporter may be, that is who is part of our Space Force family, and this is a token of that.

Panel Moderator: Debbie Schiess:

Thank you, Jessica. Aimee, you’ve been able to… This is a enthusiastic crowd. I like it. Aimee, you’ve been able to witness these family pinnings firsthand along with many of the other opportunities our Space Force has as a new service. These all play an important role in family readiness. Can you speak to that and why family readiness is so important?

Aimee Selix, Co-Founder, Guardian Spouse Candid Conversations:

Yes. So family readiness is mission readiness, right? But it goes beyond the programs and beyond the resources that we all need. To me, family readiness also includes understanding the mission. It includes appreciating the member’s role and feeling connected to the service themselves. The family pinning ceremonies are one of the first ceremonies in a Guardian’s career. That is setting a precedent that the service is seeing and embracing families, that Space Force appreciates, validates, and is tangibly communicating with our families that they matter. That’s huge. These pins are an action that directly links our families to their member and to the service, supporting holistic family readiness. Having witnessed one of these ceremonies myself, I can tell you they’re impactful. And as a spouse of a husband who went through basic training a long time ago, I can tell you I’m grateful for this effort. It means a lot to me, and I know it means a lot to other family members. I’m proud of the Space Force and them making our families a priority. I’m really excited to see what they do next.

Panel Moderator: Debbie Schiess:

That’s great. Thank you. Jessica, our service has an amazing opportunity to build a unique culture. How have you seen our Space Force culture develop as a result of Guardians transferring from other services?

Jessica Norsky, Key Support Liaison Mentor, Delta 1:

So we have a real opportunity with our inner service transfers, our ISTs, to bring the best from each service, which is really exciting as we’re coming together and forming as one. And so as I think about the different services and the different opportunities, when you think about our army brothers and sisters who are coming in, the camaraderie, right? When you think about the marines, they have this, they don’t just say what job they’re doing. They say, I am a marine. And that pride they have with being part of that service. As we look at the Air Force, we have an opportunity to look and see what can we do differently? Let’s be innovative. And then we also have our Navy ISTs and they come in and they embrace mission command. And so you bring all of this together and it’s this opportunity to form these best practices.

Of course, forming a new service as we know is not easy. It is certainly not all glory, and it hasn’t always been easy. I can think of an example just within the last few years, we had an inter-service family who was coming from the Army and everything that could go wrong did, right? And what was especially inspiring to me though is that spouse, she took that and she transformed it. She wanted to make sure that hurt became someone else’s help. And I know that personally inspired me as well, and she became an active member of our community. And so my encouragement to us all is that we are welcoming. We know that we are literally getting each services very, very best and that we have this unique opportunity to come together and form as one, but it requires us to look around to our teammates to make sure we’re being welcoming and to be open to all these new and great ideas. And so I’m excited to see how this continues to fold, and I know I’m committed to doing my part to welcoming them.

Panel Moderator: Debbie Schiess:

Thank you. It has been really fun to watch some little traditions pop up here and there in different units and then trace them back to the service they came from. Things like being a plank holder, a plank owner that came from the Navy, seeing different things that ceremonies that are maybe done a little differently than how we were brought up to see. And it’s so fun to hear where they came from and see those pieces come together. So if you were an inner service transfer from some other service besides the Air Force, bring up those ideas because that makes our tradition richer across the board. Aimee, you and Sheila Rupp have certainly played a critical role in shaping the Guardian experience for family members through your creation of Candid conversations. Can you share with us about your work, how you got started, and how spouses can join you in the conversation?

Aimee Selix:

Yeah, Debbie, it’s funny because Sheila and I had crossed each other’s paths for several years. It wasn’t until a couple of years ago actually that we were able to connect. When we did, we both discovered that we had been trying to find solutions to very similar problems. We had both experienced situations that caused us to feel lonely, isolated, feelings that no one should have to go through when we’re already part of a community that gets these challenges, right? So it was a no-brainer that we would join forces to try to tackle this problem together. And with our community being new and small, we knew we had a unique opportunity and advantage to hopefully make a difference, make impact.

After a lot of brainstorming and with the encouragement of you all, with the support of our friends and family, we jumped and Candid Conversations was created. Candid Conversations is a grassroots initiative that, excuse me, that virtually fosters a supportive space for our spouses. And we do this virtually because Sheila is in LA and I’m local to this area. It makes sense for us. We’re able to connect with anyone, anywhere, anytime, bring in any resource, and we’re able to have these informative discussions, network meet new friends, see old faces, all within an hour. While we focus on our spouses and significant others, Guardian Spouse Candid Conversations was ultimately created to support the whole force, goes right back to family readiness equals mission readiness.

We love doing this. We love being able to bring our spouses together to learn. We’ve been very fortunate to have a lot of amazing organizations come in and give overviews of what they’re able to provide our families. We have our Guardians join us to educate us on the mission, right? That’s huge. One thing that we’ve been learning is a lot of our spouses, they don’t understand the mission. They’re not feeling connected to it. Some don’t even know it. They don’t understand why it exists, and that’s a problem. So being able to put a Guardian right in front of our spouses has been huge.

Our favorite part, I would say is connecting with the spouses directly, right? Hearing how they’re doing, what they’re doing within their community so they can build those connections from wherever they’re at. Our spouses are our most incredible resource, and being able to bring them together to foster these connections means the world to us. It has given us tremendous joy, purpose and meaning. It’s been healing. And so as long as there is a need, Candid Conversations will be there. We do realize though, that we are all living very busy lives, managing a lot of different schedules. And so we post these sessions on our YouTube channel. It’s Guardian Spouse Candid Conversations. So they can be watched anytime. I will say for our spouses, you are not alone. You’re never alone. There is a community that is here to connect with you that wants to connect with you and you belong here.

Panel Moderator: Debbie Schiess:

That’s great. Thank you, Aimee. We are so proud of you and the work that you have done in this arena. And if any of you out here would like to get your connection with Aimee to get on Candid Conversations or your spouse to get on that, come up and talk to her afterwards. We have seen a lot of amazing things come out of this. Sometimes it may be just a group of 20 on that particular month, but there are some powerful things that happen there and some initiatives that have taken root from there. Some encouraging things that happen when we meet in little chat rooms and someone sees someone who just needs a pick me up. And it’s really rewarding to see that happen. Cathy, we have incredible family members in the Space Force like Aimee and Sheila who want to make a difference. I know you get to interact with so many on a regular basis as you travel with your husband. Can you share an example when you saw spouses identify an issue and then work to be part of the solution?

Cathy Bentivegna:

Sure. Thank you for that question. I’m just so proud and amazed for the dedication and the passion that our spouses provide to our military family, Guardians and everybody else. One of the examples that I have is when we visit a base, I love meeting with the spouses, talking to them, finding out what the issues, challenges, best practices, and we usually do it during lunch because I’m always hungry and I think it’s better that way if everybody’s eating. Anyway, so this particular base that we went to, there were like 20 spouses that had attended, and we were just discussing some of the challenges that they’re having over there in communication and engagement.

And then we try to walk through it, okay, what is going on, really? And then I gave them some advice on what they could be doing in order to form their own community, their own group. I mean, they didn’t know each other, just exchange information, right? And then a few months later, I received an invite that they were doing cookie decorating event to benefit the dorms. And so they created a community and they’re like, okay, so how can we help the base? How can we help the families? So they kind of created this food drive to help the airmen and the dorms, thanksgiving, they served food and yeah, I mean, it was awesome. It was fantastic.

Actually, Jennifer and I went there and we decorated cookies and we saw different people coming in. In service, it doesn’t matter, family with kids, they come in, decorated cookies, ate some good food, because I’m like it’s our food. And they’re like, yeah. Anyway. So yes, that’s just one of the experiences that I have, to make sure that if there’s an issue, try to solve it. You know what I’m saying? Instead of, okay, sitting around and not doing any, try to figure out. And that’s what I love about our spouses and our families. We’re very resilient because we’re a brand new branch. So we’re still working through all the pains, but we’re like, no, we’ll try to figure it out.

Panel Moderator: Debbie Schiess:

As we were preparing for this panel, one of the things that came up with all three these ladies was the element of feeling empowered within this new service that if you see a problem, try to go out and solve it. Don’t sit around waiting for someone else to fix it. And it is really an inspiring thing to see that happen and then go, well, I could do that too. And so we’ve seen that grow and it is one of the unique things I think about being part of the Space Force family. So thank you for sharing that. Jessica, you always inspire positivity in our community. This panel is called Shaping the Guardian Experience, because we all have a key role to play in this, just like we were talking about. If someone is watching and may not see their role clearly, how could you encourage them to get involved?

Jessica Norsky:

Well, I am definitely super passionate about this and just to stress, we all have a role to play in shaping the Guardian experience. Big or small, we all have gifts and talents that we bring to this family, and it’s also important to know that we each matter and that we each can make a difference. And so to those sitting here today, to those joining us virtually to what I try to live out every day in my life is be the culture that you want to see. Build connections, that is so important. Big or small, make sure you’re building those connections. And then finally, and most importantly, take care of each other. Make sure you’re looking right and left. That’s what family is and that’s what family does, and we take care of each other. Thank you.

Panel Moderator: Debbie Schiess:

Well, Jessica’s far too modest to talk about her own accomplishments in any of these, but it seems like I’m always hearing about something that she has had her hand in because she sees a problem and she goes out to figure it out. And I’m going to put you on the spot a little bit, Jessica, but I just want people to know one of the issues we’ve all experienced if you are a Space Force ID card holder is the airport situation. And we’ve all gone through, they don’t acknowledge it. I don’t know what this is. And Jessica has helped to try to be part of that solution. So stay tuned. It is improving. She’s not going to let take credit, but it’s her questions and figuring out who to talk to and then letting those people go out and run with it.

Jessica Norsky:

That’s right. Thank you. And it’s also not working in silos, right?

Panel Moderator: Debbie Schiess:

Right.

Jessica Norsky:

It’s seeing that problem reaching out and then huge shout out to S-One, who really was the powerhouse before that. So again, spouses seeing an issue joining with our service members and combining with our government agencies in this case and seeing the problem through.

Panel Moderator: Debbie Schiess:

Yes, great job. One of the challenges I have found of being part of the Space Force family is that very issue that people don’t understand it is a service. We have all encountered that where you are wearing a Space Force thing and that, “oh, is that a real thing? Is that just a TV show?” We have all encountered that. I’d love to hear from each of you. How can spouses be part of telling the Space Force story?

Cathy Bentivegna:

Well, I feel like I’m a marketing agent trying to promote the Space Force everywhere we go, going to the airport, even though I know it’s not working, showing the TSA, here’s my [inaudible 00:24:29] Space Force? I said, yeah, it’s for real. So those are the types that I really, really love. And then even non-military people, one of my friends, co-worker actually got married in Cleveland, Ohio, and she’s like, “I want your husband to wear his uniform.” I’m like, why? There’s no… You’re not family, there’s no military. She said, “I just want him to wear because it’s so cool.” So my husband did wear his uniform in that event, but people kept coming up like, “huh, Space Force, that’s for real.” And then he just start talking about it. So just spreading the word. I mean, we have the loudest voice when it comes to trying to promote our service. So anyway, that’s my experience.

Jessica Norsky:

Thank you. And again, what an opportunity we all have to play a role in just sharing about the mission of the Space Force. So one of the also things about this family pin, not only is it a conduit of connection, but it’s also a talking point for between being able to share about your Guardian, but also what the Space Force does. My favorite thing to say, because usually when people are thinking Space Force, they’re thinking space, which is not wrong, but they don’t realize that space is literally in their fingertips. And not only is it a way of war, but it’s also a way of life. And I am so very, very proud of all of our service members, all of our DOD civilians who work 24 hours a day, seven days a week, all over the globe to make sure that they are protecting us in every way. And I love getting to share that. Thank you.

Aimee Selix:

So as I mentioned before, one of the things Candid Conversations likes to do is to bring in Guardians so we can educate our spouses, right? So we can connect them to the mission, so we can get them comfortable with the roles in which their Guardians are performing. Just last week, we had Colonel Beard come on and do an overview of the mission, recap that again but also go over our core values, the functions, all of the things that are going to help our spouses be better ambassadors for the force, right? And so being able to give that information to the spouses is how I like to do it. Just give them that education.

Panel Moderator: Debbie Schiess:

Yeah. We all have seen the power of just wearing something with a Space Force emblem on it, and how often we tend to do that when we travel a lot and having these conversations with people just in passing. We just had one last weekend sitting at around a table with somebody and they saw the emblem on my husband’s shirt and the conversation started. So we encourage spouses to do that too. Carry your coffee cup with the Space Force logo on it. Be that ambassador to educate our community. We’ve talked about some traditions from other services and things that make our service unique. One thing I do want to mention before we get to our last question is the Guardian Family Career Program. And it is a program that S-One is launching to help Guardian family members gain a career in the Space Force as a civilian.

So if you want more information about that, it will probably be mentioned on some other panels this week. But Melissa Shaw is heading that. She’s also a Guardian spouse and she’ll be up front afterwards too, so you can talk to her about that new program. In closing, I just want to ask one last question of you ladies, and I’d just love to hear from you, what is something you are particularly proud of as the Space Force is? It’s almost to our fifth birthday. What are you proud of how the Space Force experience has developed this far?

Cathy Bentivegna:

So for me, what I’m most proud of is I can see everybody is just so welcoming, everyone. We see a new Guardian with their family, Space Force, we’re like, oh, I just want to hug all of them and just take care of them. And we see it because we’re just so proud. We’re the proud, the new and the young service. So making sure that they’re taken care of, making sure that they’re happy, and I just feel like their moms. So I’m proud of that. I’ve been proud of the family aspect of it and taking care of each other.

Jessica Norsky:

And I know everything probably isn’t the right answer, but absolutely, without a doubt. From the mission of what we’re doing every day, but also the way that we’re able to partner together to break down those silos, to bring in service members, DOD civilians, spouses, community partners, that we have this opportunity as we’re being formed to think outside the box, to try new things. One of the things we’re looking at started a couple of years ago actually with a group of 13 spouses, diverse spouses who wanted to come together, saw a need, tale as old as time, and wanted to come together to see how we could do something about it.

And we’re looking forward to watching that unfold in the Spouse Development Initiative as we look at developing and investing in our spouses, as we look at how do we prepare their readiness, but also bring them into the fold, not only including service member spouses and significant others, but also our DOD civilians. So we’re excited to get to be able to share more of that as things come along and as we look at exploring that partnership with the thrive team to enhance capacity in that. But I just, what a wonderful and incredible opportunity we all have. Thank you.

Panel Moderator: Debbie Schiess:

That was your teaser for something to come?

Jessica Norsky:

Yeah.

Panel Moderator: Debbie Schiess:

Okay. Aimee, how about you?

Aimee Selix:

My answer is not going to be that long. I’m really proud that the Space Force is making an effort to balance the lives of our families and the mission and working to accommodate both of those things.

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This transcript was auto-generated, and may not be 100 percent accurate. The source audio and video can be accessed above.